Raising Black Boys
The start of the second half of 2020 began in turmoil.
In addition to the over 100,000 lives lost and the 40 million Americans left unemployed following the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, we soon were reminded that the only global pandemic more deadly than an incurable respiratory illness is the system of racism and white supremacy and the fruit it produces. Outrage ensued after video of the murder of 47 year old George Floyd surfaced onto every screen in America and eventually the world. The chilling 8 minute 46 second video showed former police officer Derek Chauvin pinning his knee to the neck of George Floyd resulting in his death that an independent autopsy report indicates was caused by asphyxiation.
Shot by Mark Clennon @mark.c
As rage righteously manifested itself by way of protests, riots, rallies and sit-ins in defense of Black lives, our Black children were watching; some children were even protesting. I think about my 4 year old nephew and wonder how I’ll participate in the dialogue about his Black skin. I want to teach and uplift him with the glory of our beautiful Black skin but I also have to warn him of how everyone will see him because of it. If the blood of another Black body spills out onto the street, what will I tell him about the world he lives in - and how?
As the outrage and activism carried on, The Gentlemen’s Factory hosted a much needed community conversation about what we will do to prepare our young boys for today’s world. I heard of The Gentlemen’s Factory’s impact from a few close friends, and upon meeting their founder Jeff Lindor at a Black History Month event hosted by The Haitian Roundtable honoring Haitian-American leaders. Though membership is required to take advantage of this ”community designed to enhance and connect men of color” at the Factory, dialogue between Coney Island Prep CEO, Leslie Bernard Joseph, and author/filmmaker Jim St. Germain was made available to the public. I hurried at the opportunity; I wanted to gain valuable information for when I have “the talk” with my nephew and I shamelessly wanted to be a fly on the wall as these Black men shared their thoughts concerning Black life in America. Moderated by educator and activist Jason Acosta, I hung onto every word. Both gentlemen were equipped for this conversation, with Jim being the father of a 7 year old son, and co-founder of Preparing Leaders of Tomorrow (PLOT) and Leslie leading several educational programs for thousands of students in New York City by way of Harlem Children’s Zone and Coney Island Prep. They answered questions posed to them with such patience and caution; it was clear to me that these men were still processing the world’s current climate in real time and their vulnerability was very much appreciated.
Power, Privilege, Danger & Fearlessness
When our panel was asked their thoughts on the task of raising Black boys, Leslie pointed out the power, privilege, danger and fearlessness this generation has. They still see the world filled with opportunity despite the qualms of racism, and we can’t take that from them. We will worry about them incessantly, but they will protest, express themselves, and live this life their own way because they understand the world and choose to seize the day. Jim shared with us a conversation in which his son asked, “Dad, have you heard about George Floyd?” Because Jim didn’t know how to answer, he asked his son more questions. Jim noticed that even at 6 years old, his son knew exactly what was going on in this country. One thing to understand when we see our young people is that we might be in this same fight, but they are different from us. They’ve seen different images, and grew up with different influences. Racism and discrimination has lasted throughout multiple generations, but we didn’t grow up with Black Panther superheroes, #BlackGirlMagic, #BlackBoyJoy, or a Black president - but our kids have. They’re not too young to understand that we’ve fought this fight and now its their turn to make a difference of their own.
The Worst of Both Worlds
Growing up, both Jim and Leslie understood the harsh realities of life. They both lived between two worlds. As a child growing up in Haiti, Jim envisioned America to be similar to “Home Alone” movies with lavish homes and humorous villains, and soon learned that life in America - living as a young, Black, Haitian, immigrant growing up in the 90s - was similar to “The Wire” where he could be villainized just by walking down the wrong street. Leslie knew early on from the words of his mother that nothing in life is fair. He saw nice homes and comfortable living growing up but never was able to experience it for himself. Moving across boroughs, having gone to 3 schools by third grade, Leslie understood that this "life ain’t no crystal stair." The discomfort of this dual experience for Jim and Leslie is equivalent to the worlds unintentionally created for our young Black boys when we do not inform them of the world we live in.
During this Zoom call Leslie placed a young boy, Darius*, on center stage, and asked him directly what he was seeking from this call. The Gentleman’s Factory provides community for leaders, and in this moment the Factory made a leader out of this young man. Darius joined the call with his mother Shirley*, whom he praised for always “keeping it real” with him in regards to his Black identity. Darius told us he wants the world to do the same with all of our young people. This younger generation befittingly looks at us with skepticism, not quite understanding how we managed to see the world set ablaze by constant injustices and haven’t reciprocated that energy. Although it isn’t entirely true, a lot of that skepticism is due to time spent trying to protect our children. Shielding them from the truth is a crutch that can result in a dangerous handicap when it finally comes forward. We cannot create for them a false idea of the world around us, we have to encourage them with the truth about the enemy and the truth of what lies within.
Knowledge is Power
There’s no doubt in us that being Black is absolutely beautiful. Our majesty can be seen in how we speak, create, engage, and in how we lead. Jason Acosta led our panel into the conversation of what inspires both Jim and Leslie into leadership and they can both attest their inspiration to the young people. They both acknowledge that there is privilege in having someone who led them as a child. Leadership is not just delegation, leadership is service. As leaders we are in service to our young Black people and their counterparts. This work of leadership to aid in dismantling racism and white supremacy cannot be fully executed on the front lines of protests; the work must be done on the inside as well. The recent influx of corporations now scrambling to show solidarity to the Black Lives Matter movement proves the alarming absence of Black professionals in a multitude of industries and workplaces. Leslie noted there is no profession in this country where Black people are not needed, and we have to encourage young Black children to fill those spaces.
One of the ways to lead them is sharing the knowledge of language. We are not facing white supremacy, an appropriate term is white inferiority. An entity that considers themselves “supreme” cannot look at their opponent with fear, and we know that it is the fear of our greatness that keeps their hate fueled so strongly. Not only language of speech but language of literature. During the Raising Black Boys dialogue with Leslie and Jim there were many book titles mentioned that contributed to the development of their Black identity. Titles mentioned include “We Want to Do More Than Survive”, “The Autobiography of Malcolm X” and President Barack Obama’s memoir “Dreams From My Father”. In discussing additional required reading, an entire Google Doc book list was distributed among attendees to help with talking to our kids about race. Please take advantage of this list here.
I acknowledge that it’s easy for me to write this as I am not yet a parent. Jim shared that being a parent is “like having your heart walking outside [of you] playing in the middle of traffic, and when that child is a Black boy, multiply that [feeling] by a billion percent”. These are challenging conversations to have and it's also okay not to know all the answers. However, it is imperative to begin the conversation to raise our Black boys to be ready - and they will be. We lead our children the best we can, and the Power within them will carry what we’ve started to completion.