Is it a Compliment or Harassment?
A few weeks ago, a YouTube video of a woman walking in a t-shirt and jeans went viral. She walks down the streets of NYC for 10 hours with a hidden camera recording in front of her. The video shows the woman getting cat calls, inappropriate glances and even followed by men. So of course as the video was shared across the waves of social media, women every where, including myself could relate and object to the actions of the men in the video. As the women were sharing, men were sharing the video as well but they all disagreed with the video's message. While women called the cat calls harassment, a few men replied with "So y'all saying 'good morning' is harassment?"
It's hard to explain to men that from the day our bodies developed into their adult forms, walking down the street, waiting for the train, and stopping at the crosswalk has never been a simple task. It doesn't matter what we're wearing, or who we're with, we deal with whispers, piercing glances or sometimes touching from men. And women have to try their hardest to keep a poker face and hope their advances stop at the first "no".
I asked 20 women "Do you know of a man that will try to "holla" at you every time you see them?"
15 out of 20 women replied with yes.
That is harassment. Some men can not take no for an answer. I remember coming from a beautiful brunch with a group of friends when a man started glaring at one of us in the train station. We all moved away, but he moved closer to us. All 5 of us said we are not interested and he replied with "you can't avoid me." Visiting this memory makes my skin crawl. This is unacceptable. A woman should not have to worry about her personal space or safety. If a woman is walking down the street, a man should not find it okay to get close to her without her permission. Personal space is important to everyone and a lot of times a woman's personal space gets violated.
There were those who asked "why would women wear tight clothes if they didn't want guys to look and talk to them?" Women do not buy clothes to get the attention of men. Women do not spend hours under hair dryers to get the attention of men. Women do not work many hours, to buy expensive clothes, bags and shoes for men. We buy it for ourselves. Women like to look good!
On the other hand, there are women who answer to men who call out to them in the street. They don't feel harassed or offended when men call out to them. However these women make it obvious that they are interested. They'll stop, smile, make eye contact and engage in conversation. If a woman is not like this, it does not mean she's stuck up, uptight or shallow. It means she wants to be left alone. If a woman likes you, you will know. If she doesn't, you will know.
So when a guy asks "what's wrong with saying good morning?", the answer is....nothing. 55 percent of communication is non-verbal, 38 percent is through tone, and 7 percent are your words. In a perfect world, "good morning" is a simple greeting and not an invite for me to ask for my number. Women are caught in a Russian roulette situation. If we reply, they push harder, if we don't reply either we're left alone, or they push harder. Women can't win sometimes. I can't count how many times I've been called a bitch because I didn't answer back. What some men don't understand is that women are NOT obligated to talk to you. Just like how we can all decline a phone call, or leave a text unanswered, women can do the same in the street.
I have no intent of bashing men. I know there are plenty of gentlemen in our society who respect personal space. But as a woman I will defend myself and others against those who think harassment of any kind is okay.
How did the video make you feel? Where do you think boundaries get crossed? Or do you think anyone should be able to compliment anyone else? Respectfully comment below! I would love to hear from you!
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Evelyn