Beautiful Like That..
As y'all already know, my last relaxer was about 3 years ago, and I've been natural ever since. I have yet to straighten my hair since then, but I've worn box-braids, weaves and even a wig.. But for the most part my hair is out, beautiful and free. But every time I wear my weaves or wig, I hear
And I always look at them like "If you don't get out of my face, I'm smacking you with this new hair. With your lookin' a**!" That"s followed by a bunch of "I didn't mean it like that" or "don't take it that way" and (the best one) "it's just a compliment"....That's the thing. IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT.
Could you imagine going to school on the first day with your fly back-to-school outfit and everybody's like:
People change things about themselves for self-expression. I got new glasses recently for a new look. Other people wear contacts, change their hair color - the list goes on. They do these things for SELF-EXPRESSION, not YOUR-ACCEPTANCE.
Just like everyone else, I love a compliment. But when you tell me my hair looks better straight, it's an insult! You're telling me that my hair, the way I had it before, the way it naturally grows out of my head (and more than likely your head too) made me unattractive and my Brazilian Body Wave saved my appearance. But it didn't save my appearance, it soothed your discomfort with your insecurities.
boring hair. So for some of you when I put a weave in it's like "YES! She looks beautiful now because she looks like the rest of us who are insecure about our hair!" Don't get me wrong, straight hair is beautiful and some of you wear your bundles really well. But the rest of you will wear every curl pattern BUT YOUR OWN! Body wave, loose wave, ocean wave, etc. and will stop at kinky curly or wet and wavy. C'mon son.
Just because you haven't accepted yourself for who you are, doesn't mean I'll carry the burden of your insecurities.
I asked other natural beauties about their experiences and opinions with looking "like that". Here's what they said:
"Like that" is an anthem of the unknowingly
oppressed. The worst part of the “like that” is that it speaks less to
how awesome a state my hair is at that time but it screams volumes of “as opposed
to…” or “as compared to....” I arrive at the conclusion that some people can’t
handle free curls. Some people need to see tame (flat ironed, permed,
straight hair) and “neat” (hairstyles that don’t
make most white people feel uncomfortable and therefore won’t make you feel
uncomfortable) hair. I love the versatility of my hair, and Black hair, in general. The
fact that my hair can change lengths and sizes depending on whether or not I
have applied water- it is like freaking magic. The problem comes when what is not mine is always the better option
to others. Wearing what is straight or wavy and down to my waist, is the only way I can wake up “flawless” to some people. I know that so
as long as I change my hairstyles, and enjoy the power to be versatile, I will
hear the comparisons. I will hear the “your hair looks better when it doesn’t
look like your hair” and thus be reminded of how the ideology of anti-blackness
is the attempt to usurp power from natural black beauty. THIS is how God made
me not “LIKE THAT” and if you can’t celebrate my “this” I can’t
and won’t be able to celebrate your fail of a “COMPLIMENT”.
Has anyone ever told you your hair looks better "like that"?
"Let me start by saying that I’ve never had a perm. I do experiment with color, but my hair is currently natural and has always been since my diaper days. In high school, I often wore my hair in braids and buns, so every now and then when I wore my hair straight people would admire this ‘new look’. As expected, I was constantly told that I should just perm my hair because I looked so much better with it straight. I loved my hair in every state and simply couldn’t understand why others didn’t see the same beauty that I saw when I looked in the mirror. Over the years I’ve had my fair share of personal opinions dished out about my hair and the many styles I wear, whether I asked for them or not. Lucky for me, my hair is now embraced by many and the rotten apples have not spoiled the bunch. There will always be someone out there who doesn’t like one thing and prefers another, but never let anyone tell you how to be you."
This doesn't only apply to hair, but I can relate to this the most. If anyone's issued a reverse compliment to you, I cant even suggest something to reply with. Just know you're beautiful like this, and "like that"! We've just gotta keep our chin up and keep going. Stay positive, be beautiful, BE YOU.
With love,
Evelyn
"Girll! I LOVE this hair on you! Your hair looks so much better like that! Keep this style!"
And I always look at them like "If you don't get out of my face, I'm smacking you with this new hair. With your lookin' a**!" That"s followed by a bunch of "I didn't mean it like that" or "don't take it that way" and (the best one) "it's just a compliment"....That's the thing. IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT. Could you imagine going to school on the first day with your fly back-to-school outfit and everybody's like:
"Omg you look sooooo much better now, please keep this up! Don't go back to what you were doing last year!"You'd be looking at everybody like "What was wrong with last year!?"
People change things about themselves for self-expression. I got new glasses recently for a new look. Other people wear contacts, change their hair color - the list goes on. They do these things for SELF-EXPRESSION, not YOUR-ACCEPTANCE.
Just like everyone else, I love a compliment. But when you tell me my hair looks better straight, it's an insult! You're telling me that my hair, the way I had it before, the way it naturally grows out of my head (and more than likely your head too) made me unattractive and my Brazilian Body Wave saved my appearance. But it didn't save my appearance, it soothed your discomfort with your insecurities.
Insecurities? Yes.
The only form of beauty for some of you is long, straight Just because you haven't accepted yourself for who you are, doesn't mean I'll carry the burden of your insecurities.
I asked other natural beauties about their experiences and opinions with looking "like that". Here's what they said:
 |
| Barbara F. |
 |
| Cassandra M. |
"Let me start by saying that I’ve never had a perm. I do experiment with color, but my hair is currently natural and has always been since my diaper days. In high school, I often wore my hair in braids and buns, so every now and then when I wore my hair straight people would admire this ‘new look’. As expected, I was constantly told that I should just perm my hair because I looked so much better with it straight. I loved my hair in every state and simply couldn’t understand why others didn’t see the same beauty that I saw when I looked in the mirror. Over the years I’ve had my fair share of personal opinions dished out about my hair and the many styles I wear, whether I asked for them or not. Lucky for me, my hair is now embraced by many and the rotten apples have not spoiled the bunch. There will always be someone out there who doesn’t like one thing and prefers another, but never let anyone tell you how to be you."
This doesn't only apply to hair, but I can relate to this the most. If anyone's issued a reverse compliment to you, I cant even suggest something to reply with. Just know you're beautiful like this, and "like that"! We've just gotta keep our chin up and keep going. Stay positive, be beautiful, BE YOU.
With love,
Evelyn